Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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