Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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