She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
