I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
