he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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