rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
