He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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