note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
