tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
