I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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