Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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