im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you never un-have a 4some
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
