I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
