You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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