New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
