i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am spending my child support on dildos
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
