I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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