Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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