i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
