Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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