absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
