Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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