I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
