Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
