wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
