im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the day after is always just damage control
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
