A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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