Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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