yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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