i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
