Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
