Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
