She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
