Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
