Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
