Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
