Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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