the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
