If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
