Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
