May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
