your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
