Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
