There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
