yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
