How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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