I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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