when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
