just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
