Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
