Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
